My mother doesn't approve

Dear Jessie,
I'm coming to you with a problem that I have had for a while now. I need major help. I do feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. So...I have been with this wonderful guy for more than 5 years. However, my mom doesn't like him (she barely knows him) and doesn't want anything to do with him. She thinks that my life would be a waste if I ended up with this guy. I guess she might change her mind later, once we both graduate and get jobs and prove to her that we are a good match. But until then, am I supposed to just wait until the right time comes for me to tell her that I do love and that I do want to be with for the rest of my life? Does she mean it when she says that she doesn't want my boyfriend to have anything to do with me? I just feel so helpless. I love my him to death, but disappointing my parents is the biggest fear. Please help.

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My Dear Friend,

From what I've read, it seems as if you are struggling between wanting to please your mother OR experiencing a full committment to love, freedom and expression. If you look at this as black and white [either/or] it will be a struggle. You have the opportunity to have both!I was told at one point to "marry a person you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other." If you have great conversations, the atraction is amazing, and you both have been trained on effective communication skills, this is the recipe for a great marriage. It is important to know your mother is being the mommy she knows how to be. She is concerned. Her concerns are valid and can't be debated. They are hers to own - not yours. To spend time debating her truth (her perception of your boyfriend) would be a waste of your energy. Debate gets you no where :) What will get you somewhere is seeing this "struggle" as a powerful opportunity to produce the relationship you have wanted with your mother all your life.

I'm guess this isn't the first time she has strong opinions of what you should do/who you should be. If you make her wrong for her opinions, your relationships is not at it's optimum. If she makes you wrong for your decisions, your relationships is not at it's optimum. Perhaps you can open a very genuine conversation with her regarding this. This might open the window necessary to respect you as an adult, an individual, and her daughter...all at the same time. Perhaps you will see you haven't been listening to her in the way she wanted you to hear her. Would it be great if your boyfriend could ask your parent(s) for your hand in marriage? If you want both, then do whatever it takes to hear your mother in a way you have never heard her. If she trusts you do, she will be more open to you taking a leap of faith. Besides, isn't leaping the only way to learn?:)