Dear Jessie,
I'm engaged to a young lady who feels I should not care about my family and move with her to start her career, because she is marrying me, not my family and she is moving from her family. Am I being selfish in my request for her to bend on this or should I leave my family which I absolutely love and my best friends so she can do this?
My Dear Friend,
You might move mountains to be with this woman. You might move mountains to be with your family. To have a relationship where one feels they are putting more IN than getting OUT is a big red flag. She sounds as if she is a very driven person and somewhere, deep down, a need it being fulfilled. It sounds as if you are a very family-oriented person and somewhere, deep down, a need it being fulfilled. Let's just say your need is BELONGING and hers is LOVE. These two needs are not conflicting, you see. It's just a matter of HOW they are being met. A relationship is about a committment. A job is about a committment. Extended family is about committment. Which one rules your lives? The only way to know is to ask each other and agree on a way to live - where both of your needs are met.
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